Tag Archive | women

Love Story

Oh how I have missed you.  I put you out of my mind for so long because the pain of thinking of you was just to great to deal with.  Yet you where never far away.  As much as I tried to forget I knew you were there waiting for me and that made me miss and want you even more.  Yet that same wanting only made me feel worse, you reminded me of something I once was and something I longed to be again.

I am sorry I banished you from life, I am sorry that I made you go away.  I beg you to forgive me but I had to do what was right for me.  I had to send you away until I was ready to face you again…and here I am!  It has been a year but I am ready, I am ready to see if we belong together once again.   I am ready to see if you still make me feel as good as you once did and if we are once again a perfect fit.

It is with great anticipation I am facing you once again, I am excited but scared.  I am nervous to see if my journey has brought me to a place where we can once again fit into each others life.

I see you from across the room, you look the same as I remember.  I hope I look different to you, I hope that you can see the transformation I have made.  I pray that you appreciate the change I have made so we can be together again.

In an instance we are reunited..like we were never apart and you feel better now than you did when I last saw you.  Rather than making me feel confined and uncomfortable I feel loose and free.  I feel like the woman I have wanted  to be, I feel healthy and happy.  You have completed me!

Yes you are my favorite jeans and I am so sorry I crowed you out of my life.  I am sorry I squeezed you out while I made room for cookies and ice cream.  Please forgive me, I have missed you and so glad to have you back!

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Now as for the eighteen pounds I have lost…I can’t say I will ever miss you!  Good-bye and good riddens…I hope to never see you again!

Give Me A Chance!

 

Day after day I filled out job applications, wrote new resumes, and cover letters.  I tried desperately to think of new and creative ways to put a spin on the fact that I am a forty-five year old mother of three who hasn’t had a “real job” in almost eighteen years. Day after day I checked my phone and emails to see if I sparked the slightest interest in any prospective employer, but alas the little green light was not flashing on my phone and the only emails where the usual requests for payments or notifications from the schools.  BUT I DON’T GIVE UP!

I know I have a lot to offer and I would be an asset to any company if given the chance.  A chance that is all I need but do I want to wait around for someone else to believe in me.  I believe in myself and I can give myself the chance?

I am no longer going to wait for someone else to give me an opportunity, I am going to make my own!  So what shall I do?  Why not hit the internet and see what is out there.  This is the thought process that went through my head last week as I set about searching the internet to find something I could sink my teeth into and create my own opportunity.

I came across an online jewelry boutique.  For no cost I could set up an online jewelry store!  This had me written all over it.  Many years ago I did those annoying house parties and sold a very nice line of jewelry and was quite successful at it, but honestly I have never been a fan of the “parties.”  So this sounded perfect.  So here I am the proud owner of an online jewelry boutique called “Simply Perfect.”

As fate would have it the moment I decided to take matters into my own hands the magic green light began to flash on my phone.  Yes, believe it or not, I was finally able to catch a break and someone appreciated the skills I have developed over the years and in more particular the last year and called me for an interview.  By the end of the day I had a job offer.  Two days later I was starting my new job!

Isn’t it funny how things work.  I think God was waiting to see if I was willing to step up and take control myself.  Waiting to see if I was just going to sit around and wait for someone else to give me an opportunity or was I going to make my own opportunities.

So now I both employed and the owner of an on-line jewelry boutique!  I’ve always been good a multitasking and eighteen years of being a stay at home mom has taught me to nurture and develop my creations, so I am not giving up on the jewelry.  I will give my spare time (haha) to it and make it what I can and it will always remind me that I believed in myself!

Don’t sit around and wait for opportunities, make your own!  Life can be an exciting adventure if you chose to go out and explore it!

 

Call Me…Please! Call Me…Maybe?

Daily Prompt:  Call Me Maybe:  Describe your relationship with your phone. Is it your lifeline, a buzzing nuisance, or something in between?

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I sit and stare at it willing it to ring.  Come on phone ring…ring…ring!  Then like magic the I hear the beautiful voice of Alicia Keys singing “This Girl Is On Fire.”  (Okay so my choice in ring tones is a little off but it is supposed to be inspiring)  Quickly I pick up the phone and with bated breath I wait to hear the voice on the other end. 

Is this the decision maker of the house?”

I’m quickly deflated and before spewing my disappointment and frustration on the poor sole just trying to make a living, I hang up the phone.

My phone and I have developed a love/hate relationship as of late.  You see being a forty-five year old woman who hasn’t held a real job in almost 18 years, waiting to hear from the millions of job applications she has sent out, can wreak havoc on your relationship with your phone.

So you see I am trying to stay positive, surrounding myself with the words of Alicia Keys…”This Girl is On Fire”, but I am nearing desperation and may soon use the words of Carle Rae Jepsen… “Call Me Maybe. 

Here is to all my fellow stay at home moms trying to find their way back into the work force.  Keep your head up, your spirit high and your phone close by because one of these days it’s just gotta ring and until then… create your own destiny!

CMDestiny

 

 

The House of Mirrors

Today’s daily prompt: 1984; you are locked in a room with your greatest fear.  Describe what is in the room with you.

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I reach for the door, slowly turn the handle only to find that it won’t turn.  Anxiously I try again twisting back and forth but it is locked.  Quickly I turn  to find another way out but find myself trapped in a room with my greatest fear.

Everywhere I look I see nothing but my reflection.  A room filled with mirrors with no way to escape and forced to look at myself from every angle.  To the left I see the slight bulge that used to be a waistline, to the right I see the lines etching themselves into my face, straight ahead is my anxiety over what I cannot control, and behind me is my self-doubt about who I am.  In a futile attempt to escape the images I look up.  As scary as my reflections may be what I am faced with now makes my heart stop.  Above me is a clock.  The sole reminder that time keeps moving forward and I can not stop it or slow it down.  I drop my head and once again I am faced with my reflection.

Quickly I close my eyes and count to ten hoping that when I open them again it will all be gone.  In the background I can hear that insistent ticking of the clock., tic-toc-tic-toc.  Slowly I open my eyes, the mirrors are still there.  I look to the right there it is that same bulge, but wait is it not the reminder of the three wonderful children I have.  I glance to the right and take a closer look at the lines on my face are they not the etchings from a life of smiling and squinting to see things more clearly.  Straight ahead, is that anxiety or excitement?  Gathering all of my courage I know I still have to look behind me into the mirror of self-doubt.  I turn and look, there it is just as clearly as before.  The fear I have been feeling has left me and in its place is nothing but anger.  How dare I doubt myself, if it was anyone else I would banish them from my life.  I raise my fist and unleash the anger upon the reflection of my doubt.  The mirror shatters and lays in pieces at my feet in it’s place an open door lays before me.

I suppose life is merely a matter of perspective and we only have a limited time to make of it what we want.

It Was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness. It was a time when I wanted to throw my hands up and declare that I couldn’t do it any longer, it was a time when I feared that it would all come to an end too quickly.

The place may not be England or France and the time may not be 1775 but it still remains an age of competing and contradictory attitudes.  It is the age of  parenting teenagers.  When I first read Tale of Two Cities I was but a teen myself.  It is funny how those words have stuck with me for thirty years and how they came back to me in a new light as I attempt to survive my children’s teen years.

Watching your child transform from a boy to a man, from a girl to a woman, is both the best and worst time of your life.  The pride you feel in their accomplishments is overwhelming but the mistakes they make can have unbelievable consequences.  I remember the first steps my children took, that excited nervousness as they put one foot in front of the other, toddling from side to side, quickly regaining their center and finally falling onto their well padded bottom.  I stood with my hands reaching out for them with their little hand reaching back for me.  I was there ready to catch them if they should fall, protect them from injury.  Flash forward and I am watching them drive out of the driveway for the first time.  I stand at the door with my hand raised above my head waving good-bye, they are not looking to me at all but only seeing the road ahead of them.  They are on their own, I am not there to protect them any longer and if they should fall I know the consequences are much greater.  It is their right of passage, their key to freedom, their road to become their own person.

My job description for the last eighteen years has been to prepare my children for independence.  Allow my children to develop their personality, build their self-esteem, nurture their dreams and make them believe they can do anything they set their mind to.  I have done my job well.  My children are well-adjusted, independent thinkers, that want to spread their wings and fly from the nest we have shared.  My first child has left the nest, he is thriving at college and I can see his siblings watching him and counting the days until they can follow in his footsteps.  They all have big dreams of what they want to do, a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer.

So I hold my breath and continue along the path of the best of times, the worst of times, the age of great wisdom and the age of foolishness.  I will cheer them as they succeed, I will pick them up when they fall.  I will allow them to make their own mistakes, and will attempt to steer them clear of foolish mistakes.  I will hold them tight in my heart but will let go of control.  I will allow them develop their own life separate from mine.  I am the mother of three teenagers.

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Mamma Needs a New Pair of Shoes

MP9004049221That’s right, this Mamma needs a new pair of shoes.  Time to throw away the old comfortable loafers and grab a new pair of fashionable, professional shoes.

For eighteen years I have been wearing the practical mom shoes.  You know how it is, the first few years you spend running after the kids then you spend the next fifteen years running them around, play group, little league, school parties, doctor’s appointments, workouts, work, it just keeps going and going.  Well this middle age mom is ready to trade those practical shoes in for a pair of shoes that might not be quite so comfortable but are definitely more exciting.

I have spent the last year re-educating myself to enter back into the work force.  Once upon a time a long, long time ago I was more than just a wife and mother.  I was actually a professional making a good salary and participating in the world of people over twenty years old.  As a matter of fact I was pretty darn good at what I did.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my decision to stay at home with my kids, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  My kids have thrived from having me at home, but my job with them is pretty much done, so now it is time to revisit me.

So here I sit on the edge of a new beginning.  The schooling is done the resume is written and the applications are filled out.  Now I just have to sit and wait.  The resume writing was a challenge and a half.  How is it that you can turn raising three kids, one husband and managing a home look impressive work experience?  I guess that is where my creative writing comes in handy.  Let’s be real, running a household isn’t that much different from running a business.  I can balance a budget, multitask, I’m organized, work well under pressure, deal well with conflict, a great team builder.  Yup being a mom, or domestic engineer as I prefer to call it, gives you most of the skills you need for any job.

2013 promises to be an exciting new year.  This old dog is ready to try some new tricks.  I better reorganize my closet so I can make room for those new shoes.

To my fellow stay-at-home moms and/or middle age women I hope you wear whatever shoes you want to.  Don’t be afraid to try on a new pair if they keep calling your name.  No they may not be as comfortable as your old ones but with a little time you can break them in.  If you are satisfied with the shoes you are currently wearing be proud of yourself for what you are doing.  We are all contributing to society in one way or another and we need to be proud of that.  Don’t short change yourself you still have the skills to compete in the work force if you so chose.  If you have another dream hold on tight to it, your time will come, don’t give up and believe in yourself.  Before you know it the kids won’t need you as much any more and you take a little time for yourself.

Wish me luck…it’s been a long time since I’ve had to knock on doors and sell myself as an asset to your company!

Finishing is Merely Beginning Again

I’m so close I can taste it.  The finish line is within site and I am sprinting toward it, looking for that last kick, the rush of adrenaline to propel me forward and declare victory!  Is that the crowd I hear cheering me on, raising their voices, clapping their hands, pushing me to reach the finish line in a blare of glory.  Nope, it’s just my kids whining about super not being on the table and the laundry stacking up, but wait I do hear a cheer in the background, it’s my husband, excited about the prospect of me finally finishing my schooling so I can get out and earn some money.

I am almost there, another two weeks and this year of educating myself at the ripe old age of forty-five will be complete.  I can’t believe I did it (almost).  It has been a challenge balancing family, home and school. There were many a day when I wish I hadn’t started this journey, but the stubborn side of me was not going to start something without finishing.  I was not about to show my kids that failing or quitting was an option.

So here I am facing the finish line in this most challenging journey. Believe it or not I think I might miss it when I’m done.  It has been a constant companion and has allowed me the opportunity to realize that I am still an intelligent person with the ability to learn new things.  Being a stay at home mom made me feel like my mind was turning into a bowl full of jelly  but now I realize I didn’t lose anything.  Instead, I see that the years I dedicated myself to my family taught me to be patient, determined, organized and creative, all traits that allowed me to be successful in my studies.

With the finish line in site I am racing forward, propelled by the pride in my accomplishment.  My arms stretched in front of me reaching for the ribbon, preparing myself to throw up my hands in victory, I catch something out of the corner of my eye.  Far in the distance I see yet another black and white banner stretched across the path.  In celebrating my victory for this grand accomplishment I realize that the finish line of this journey is merely the starting line to my next great challenge!

Much like a runner, I look forward to my next race.  Instead of fearing it, my year of training has given me the tools and confidence I need to take my place in the starting blocks with the expectation of running a personal best. I look to the stands and see my husband and children.  In their faces I see the reflections of the past year and I realize that when I was tired or discouraged it was their support that lifted me back to my feet.  It was their hands that put the laundry into the machine or the dinner on the table when I was unable to.  This next race I will run for them as well as for myself.

Thank you for the support and I can only hope in return I have made you proud and taught you a few things.  From my example I hope you see that you are never too old to start something new, with hard work and determination you can accomplish anything and most importantly, never give up!

Forever Summer

Time goes so slowly, another school year is starting and it will be absolutely forever before it is over.  It will be forever before I get out of school.  Thirteen years of school and then on to college for another four.  You have to be kidding me, I am going to spend my entire life in school, it is never going to end.  If only I had a time  machine, I could jump through time and get on to the exciting part of life.

Apparently I found my time travel machine.  That is the only explanation I can find for how fast the time has gone.  I cannot really be the mother of a college student and two other teenagers.  Am I not a teen myself?  Wait no I passed through those years, that’s right, I wished them away.  It’s not that I want them back, I just don’t understand how it all went so quickly.

I still remember that feeling of time moving so slowly.   A year of school seemed like a lifetime,  just waiting for the next summer to come along to mark my freedom.  The endless summer that seemed to go on forever allowing my brain to cleanse itself of all I had learned throughout the school year.  I had all the time in the world, never a rush, and always tomorrow.

The blink of an eye.  That is all it takes now.  A blink of an eye and the school year is over.  A blink of an eye and the frost is in the air and the summer is gone.  A blink of an eye and the kids are grown and moving on.  There is never enough time, it’s always a rush and my tomorrows are coming to quickly.  Soon there will be no more school years.  The kids will be gone and I will have to find another marker of time.

I think I would like to turn off my time  machine for just a little while.    Just long enough to savor these precious moments.

If I can teach my kids just one more thing it would be to not wish their life away.  Don’t rush through today looking for tomorrow.  Today is a beautiful day so live it to the fullest, enjoy it and make it count.  Perhaps I can be a role model for you, watch me and learn.  I am making the most out of every day, and although the calendar tells me I am in the fall season of life, I intend to  live like it is forever summer.

Eat Your Words Mom!

“Be an active participant in life”.  That was last summer’s saying for my sisters and me.  Instead of sitting back and watching the kids have fun we decided we would actively participate in all the activities.  Yes it required a few extra trips to the bathroom before hitting the volley ball court or an Advil or two before bed after a day of water skiing but we actively participated in the day’s events.  The kids (rather teens) thought this was great and found a new respect for their aging mothers.

Today was a perfect day on the lake.  The sun was shining and the air was still.  The bay looked like a mirror reflecting the beauty of the day.  As usual a day like this begged for the boat to head out and the kids to push the limits to see how much air they could get on the wakeboard or how high of a rooster tail they could get on the slalom ski.  I took my place in the boat as the official photographer and spotter.  After a couple of runs the kids asked me to take my turn and try my luck at the skis.

This seems like a simple request for many, but for me it is a little more of a challenge.  You see for ten years I attempted to water ski and had no luck.  I mastered the art of falling on my face, my butt, my back… you name it, and I fell on it.  Just two years ago I finally managed to get up but forgot what I did to get up as quickly as I learned it.  Hence I usually spend the rest of the summer sucking water into every orifice as I try to master the concept of skiing again and again.  So today I declined the invitation and stated I would be happy to sit and watch them have fun.

This is the moment my own words came back to bite me in the butt.  “What happened to being an active participant in life mom?”  Oh how tempted I was to tell them I was just getting too old for this, but instead I donned my life jacket and grabbed the skis and decided to take on the challenge once more.  This time it was my son driving the boat and giving me the last minute instructions on what to do.  I had a quick flash of all the times I had grounded him or said “no” to him and hoped this wasn’t the time he was seeking revenge.

To my surprise I rose from the water and found myself skidding across the surface on the two pieces of wood strapped to my feet.  I would like to say that the experience was amazing and I have found a true passion in skiing but to be honest, I found it to be less than thrilling and extremely tiring.  So this is what I have been working so hard for, this is what I drank gallons of water for and face planted more times than I care to remember.  Oh well, at least I was an active participant in life.  Most importantly my kids were thrilled with my success and proud of me for finally finding success.  So when they asked me how it was I smiled and said it was great.

As for the wake boarding… it still eludes me and I am afraid that tonight will be another night of Advil.  But I will wear my bruises with pride and remember that I am an active participant in life and my kids think I’m kind of cool.

 

Oh Yes I Can!

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Please tell me why not.  Why can I not have my cake and eat it too?  Have you ever made a cake to just look at?  I don’t think so.  If I make a cake it is with the full intent to eat it!  I think this is one of the dumbest sayings any one has ever come up with.  So to whoever started the saying you can’t have your cake and eat it too…I say…

“Oh Yes I Can”

Remember, you have no limitations.  You can do whatever you put your mind to.  If you put enough effort into something, why not have it all!