Tag Archive | woman

Always Time for More.

Well it has certainly been a long time since I have visited my blog.  All I can say is WOW!!!! Life sure can change in six months.  I have managed to go from being a stay at home mom for eighteen years to a full-time employee in a thriving company.

So now I should be able to answer the ever-present question … is it harder to be a stay at home mom or a working mom?  The answer is simple…neither one is very easy.  I can’t say one is harder than other just different.  As a working mom I sure have had to learn to let a lot of things slide such as housework and cooking.  Neither of which I can say makes me very upset.  Working prevents me from having some time just to myself which I do miss.  However, working certainly gives me a great deal more self-satisfaction than I ever had as a stay at home mom.  Being a stay at home mom is probably one of the loneliest jobs in the world and the pay back is next to nothing.  I can’t tell you how good it feels to have someone tell you are doing a good job and that your efforts are appreciated.

I like the way I have tackled my life.  I wouldn’t give up my years at home with my kids for anything.  Did I ever expect that at this time in my life there would be a chance for me to still have a career?  Absolutely not, but what an incredible surprise to find out that there is still so much left for me to do.  I don’t really have to give up on my dreams of having a career or advancing in the workplace.  Only time will tell.  All I know is that as long as I am willing to work hard and dream big I can have almost anything I want.  A lesson I hope my kids will learn from watching me embrace life’s opportunities.

So whether you are a working parent getting ready to stay home or a stay at home parent getting ready to work it really doesn’t matter.  We are all just people tackling life as it comes to us, doing the best we can and trying to make each day the best it can be.  We are never too old to dream and it is never too late to try something new.  Our kids are watching us and our actions will always speak louder than our words.  So instead of telling them that they can be or do whatever than want show them.

Live your life in a way that you would want your kids to live theirs.  Be the person that you want your kids to be.  Don’t be afraid to fail, just be willing to try.  You don’t have to be perfect you just have to be your best.  You can’t always have everything you want but you can always have everything you need.  Sometimes we have to sacrifice and other times we can indulge.  These are the lessons your child is learning by watching you live.

This is just me learning to be the new me!

 

Toot Your Own Horn

Daily Prompt:  Toot your own horn.  Most of us are excellent at self-depreciating, and not so good at the opposite.  Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.

Horn_(instrument) (2)

Wow this is a tough one.  Is it my inability to see what is good or is it the apprehension of “tooting my horn that holds me back?”

Okay I am going to give myself one minute to write as many positive things about myself as I can.

1..2..3..go:

  1. kind
  2. good mother
  3. smart
  4. creative
  5. good friend
  6. efficient

stop!

Okay not such a good effort but at least something to start with.  Out of these six traits which is my favorite?  I would have to say my creativity.  Most of my positive traits have to do with how I am with others and translate into how I make others feel.  Don’t get me wrong being a kind, good mother and friend makes me feel good too, but my creativity is just for me.  When I sit down with a paintbrush I am pleasing no-one but myself.  I don’t care if the end product is pleasing to anyone else.  Sometimes I don’t even like it myself but I have enjoyed the process of creating.  When I create a piece of jewelry I am proud of myself and feel good about myself and again I am not trying to please anyone but myself.

Hmmm maybe I better revisit my opinion about the modern art at the MOMA.  Maybe these artists where feeling similar to me when they created their art.  I still contend that it needed an R rating but who am I to judge what someone else wants to create.  Then again I have never claimed to be an artist and I would not ever expect to hang my work in a gallery.

This was a fun exercise you should try it.  Take one minute to write down as many positive attributes about yourself as you can and then decide which is your favorite and why.  I’d love it if you would share it with me but if you prefer to keep it private I get it.  After all it isn’t easy to “toot our own horn.”

Your Lucky Ticket

The house is quiet again.  The morning rush hour is over, the kids are safely (I hope) settled into school and my husband is tucked neatly behind his office desk.  Oh yes the joy of being a stay at home mom.  I am so “lucky” I can just sit around and do nothing for the rest of the day and wait for everyone to come back at the end of their day.  In the meantime what should I do?  Perhaps drive around town in my new Lexus, get my hair and nails done at the salon, buy a new outfit, book the family vacation, and lunch with the girls.  NOT!

I can’t count how many times I have heard “you are so lucky to be able to stay home.”  I want to scream in reply that it isn’t luck that has allowed me to stay at home.  I CHOSE to give up my career to raise our children, I didn’t win the stay at home lottery.  With that choice came a great deal of sacrifice.

However, if you continue to believe it is a matter of luck let me give you your ticket for the STAY-AT-HOME-MOM lottery.  Good luck!

 lottery

 

 Please don’t get me wrong, I am happy with the choices I have made.  I wouldn’t exchange my time with my kids for any amount of money but it wasn’t always easy.  Through our sacrifices my husband and I have been able to carve out a comfortable life for our family and we now have some of those extras that we once had to forgo.  All I ask is that instead of looking at me and saying “wow you are lucky” look at me and say “wow you’ve worked hard to raise your family.”  It is the same respect I give you when I admire your promotion or your ability to balance your career and family.

What we do in life is not about luck, it is a choice.

 

It Just Wasn’t In The Cards

“Sandra you have a call on line one.”
“Hello this is Sandra can I help you?”
“Hi Sandra it’s Dr. Elliot’s  calling.  I have reviewed all of yours and your husband’s test results and I’m sorry to inform you but you do not qualify for the fertility programs.  It would be my suggestion that you and your husband consider adoption because it just does not appear that you will ever be able to conceive and carry a child on your own.”

I didn’t say a word, didn’t ask any questions and didn’t say good-bye.  I gently placed the receiver back into the cradle and walked away.  It felt like time had come to a stop, there was no movement, there was no noise, there was only me in darkness and silence.

That feeling of helplessness, the dull sick feeling when you realize that you are no longer the one at the reins, overtook me.  All my life I had dreamed of being a mother.  It was all there in my ten-year plan; Finnish college, get a job, get married, buy a house, start a family. A simple plan laid out in black and white.  I wasn’t asking for anything major like trying to become the CEO of a large corporation or a super model, I just wanted to be a mother and have a family.  Now I was having to ask for a miracle.  My body had betrayed me and in a way that I had no control.  You can exercise to stay fit, diet to lose weight, meditate to reduce stress but there is nothing you can do to produce if your body does not want to carry a baby.

I was no longer in the driver’s seat just a passenger who had forgotten to put on her seat belt when the car came to an expected stop, slamming my head into the windshield and being rendered unconscious.  There was a blackness, a total nothingness followed by that slow awakening.  Awakening into a state of confusion asking myself who am I, where am I?  I looked around to see if there was anything I recognized but only saw pieces of an old life with shattered dreams.

It is at these points in our lives when all control is removed from us and we are brought to our knees with helplessness that we have the greatest choice in who we will become.  Will I be a victim of my circumstance, bitter and resentful for what I can not have, or will I rise above the circumstances and grow from my experiences.  Will I stand alone in the darkness or will I reach out for help.  Someone once told me that God never gives you more than you can handle.  I told them they were wrong, God gives you more than you can handle so will reach out to him for help.  In my moment of helplessness I had a choice, I could curl up and feel sorry for myself or I could get back to my feet, wipe away the tears and the dirt, and start again.

Life is like a poker game, you are dealt a hand and you have to play it.  Sometimes it is best to throw your hand in and start again, sometimes you can bluff your way through with the cards you are given and sometimes you will be dealt a royal flush.  So having kids wasn’t in the cards for me. I had to reexamine the cards I was given and decide how I would play them.  I still had a terrific husband, an amazing job and faith.  Those three were enough to keep me in the game.

We are never truly helpless because we always have control over the decisions we make with the cards we are dealt.

(p.s.  I got my miracle and have had three beautiful children.  Apparently that faith card is the ace in the hole)

 

I’m Just Sitting Here Watching the Wheels Go Round and Round.

Photo by Brian Lane Winfield Moore

“I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.  I really love to watch them roll.”

SO much to do…yet here I sit doing nothing.

Why is it that when there is a lot to get accomplished I am struck with the desire to sit and think about the work rather than do it.  I know that once I get it done I will feel satisfied, relieved, proud, yet here I sit.  Perhaps I just don’t like feeling good.  Maybe I feel more alive when I am under pressure.  Who knows but right now it is just ticking me off and if I could reach I would give myself a good swift kick in the a**.

Maybe I should try one of those lists my husband is so fond of leaving around the house.  Much like the pieces of the dryer that are lying around the house in an attempt to fix it.  Yes that would be one of the jobs I need to do…buy a dryer.

Okay this is it, I am turning off my computer marching my butt out the door to buy the dryer, otherwise my children are going to school in dirty clothes tomorrow (now there is motivation, a thirteen year old daughter without clothes).  When that is done it’s laundry, weeding, mulching, studying, closets, bills, basement, garage…who am I kidding let’s just start with buying a dryer.

Please tell me I am not the only one that gets stuck in these ruts.  Maybe it’s the whole back to school thing!

Not Just Another Day

Well yesterday was the big day.  The clock struck twelve and I turned back into a pumpkin.  Okay not a pumpkin but I did turn another year older.

It really was a remarkable day.  I did feel different.  My life really did change.  No it didn’t change because I’m suddenly 45 instead of 44.  It changed because my son finished his last day of high school.  Now you want to feel old on your birthday…that’s the secret.

So yes I did feel older on my birthday this year, but it wasn’t a bad feeling.  I felt older, wiser and very proud.  I got to see a first hand account of what I had achieved in forty-five years as my son stood to receive his awards at the senior recognition ceremony.  I raised a fine young man who is ready to take on the world and has the dreams of making a difference and leaving his mark on the world.  A young man who wants to pry into the mystery of childhood cancer and see if he can help to save a life or at least make one more comfortable if it cannot be saved.  These are his achievements and dreams but I can take pride in knowing that something I did lead him to this place.

So for now I like forty-five.  I don’t necessarily like the gray hairs that keep popping up on my head or the ever-increasing wrinkles around my eyes.  I do like that as I am getting older I am able to see my life accomplishments.  So much time is spent dreaming, planning, executing all to reach an end point.  Now I am seeing that end point.  It is funny how we begin to dream from the moment that line turns pink on that little stick.  I realize now that I could never have dreamed how great it actually would be.

So what now,  do I stop dreaming?  Do I stop looking forward and just enjoy all that I have done?  Heck no.  I am just beginning.  Only now instead of dreaming about what my kids will become I will dream about what I might become.  Yup, I do like 45, I think it’s going to be a good year.

He Just Doesn’t Get It

You’ve got to be kidding me…we aren’t spring chickens anymore.

thank you freestock

That is the thought that kept going through my mind as my husband went over the detailed instructions with me, yet once again, for my meeting with the landscaper tonight.

  “Here are the drawings of what we are looking at getting done.  Don’t forget that we want to get all the drainage from the house taken care of so we don’t have to worry about water …blah, blah, blah…. (that’s what I heard).  Remind him that what we are looking for is someone who can come in with the big equipment to just do the heavy work.  We can do the lighter stuff ourselves to keep within budget.  We can build the retaining walls ourselves….” 

photo by grendelkhan

What?????  Stop right there.  Did he just say the retaining walls are the “light” part of the job.  Have you seen the size of those blocks?  They don’t look light to me.  Perhaps I need to remind him of the heart attack I thought I was going to have from planting the bushes in the front garden.  Did he forget that I could barely make it up the stairs for three days after attempting to “work out” my legs last week?  He just doesn’t get it…we aren’t young anymore and these “little jobs” have become much bigger.

It doesn’t stop there, it only gets better:

“…and the patio area here is interlocking brick.   Have him price it out for just laying the foundation for it we can lay the bricks ourselves”

Sure we can… and did you see that pig fly?

Thank you oddsock

So my friends I am off to the landscaping store to pick out the bricks for the patio and the retaining walls that my husband and I are apparently going to use in the backyard after the professionals do the “heavy work” of grading it.  Please stay tuned, this should be interesting!  Future blogs will either be about a divorce or the aches and pains of my poor body.

(I suppose I should be thrilled that he thinks I can actually do this)