Tag Archive | aging

Call Me…Please! Call Me…Maybe?

Daily Prompt:  Call Me Maybe:  Describe your relationship with your phone. Is it your lifeline, a buzzing nuisance, or something in between?

waiting_for_phone_to_ring

 

I sit and stare at it willing it to ring.  Come on phone ring…ring…ring!  Then like magic the I hear the beautiful voice of Alicia Keys singing “This Girl Is On Fire.”  (Okay so my choice in ring tones is a little off but it is supposed to be inspiring)  Quickly I pick up the phone and with bated breath I wait to hear the voice on the other end. 

Is this the decision maker of the house?”

I’m quickly deflated and before spewing my disappointment and frustration on the poor sole just trying to make a living, I hang up the phone.

My phone and I have developed a love/hate relationship as of late.  You see being a forty-five year old woman who hasn’t held a real job in almost 18 years, waiting to hear from the millions of job applications she has sent out, can wreak havoc on your relationship with your phone.

So you see I am trying to stay positive, surrounding myself with the words of Alicia Keys…”This Girl is On Fire”, but I am nearing desperation and may soon use the words of Carle Rae Jepsen… “Call Me Maybe. 

Here is to all my fellow stay at home moms trying to find their way back into the work force.  Keep your head up, your spirit high and your phone close by because one of these days it’s just gotta ring and until then… create your own destiny!

CMDestiny

 

 

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The House of Mirrors

Today’s daily prompt: 1984; you are locked in a room with your greatest fear.  Describe what is in the room with you.

Capture

I reach for the door, slowly turn the handle only to find that it won’t turn.  Anxiously I try again twisting back and forth but it is locked.  Quickly I turn  to find another way out but find myself trapped in a room with my greatest fear.

Everywhere I look I see nothing but my reflection.  A room filled with mirrors with no way to escape and forced to look at myself from every angle.  To the left I see the slight bulge that used to be a waistline, to the right I see the lines etching themselves into my face, straight ahead is my anxiety over what I cannot control, and behind me is my self-doubt about who I am.  In a futile attempt to escape the images I look up.  As scary as my reflections may be what I am faced with now makes my heart stop.  Above me is a clock.  The sole reminder that time keeps moving forward and I can not stop it or slow it down.  I drop my head and once again I am faced with my reflection.

Quickly I close my eyes and count to ten hoping that when I open them again it will all be gone.  In the background I can hear that insistent ticking of the clock., tic-toc-tic-toc.  Slowly I open my eyes, the mirrors are still there.  I look to the right there it is that same bulge, but wait is it not the reminder of the three wonderful children I have.  I glance to the right and take a closer look at the lines on my face are they not the etchings from a life of smiling and squinting to see things more clearly.  Straight ahead, is that anxiety or excitement?  Gathering all of my courage I know I still have to look behind me into the mirror of self-doubt.  I turn and look, there it is just as clearly as before.  The fear I have been feeling has left me and in its place is nothing but anger.  How dare I doubt myself, if it was anyone else I would banish them from my life.  I raise my fist and unleash the anger upon the reflection of my doubt.  The mirror shatters and lays in pieces at my feet in it’s place an open door lays before me.

I suppose life is merely a matter of perspective and we only have a limited time to make of it what we want.

Finishing is Merely Beginning Again

I’m so close I can taste it.  The finish line is within site and I am sprinting toward it, looking for that last kick, the rush of adrenaline to propel me forward and declare victory!  Is that the crowd I hear cheering me on, raising their voices, clapping their hands, pushing me to reach the finish line in a blare of glory.  Nope, it’s just my kids whining about super not being on the table and the laundry stacking up, but wait I do hear a cheer in the background, it’s my husband, excited about the prospect of me finally finishing my schooling so I can get out and earn some money.

I am almost there, another two weeks and this year of educating myself at the ripe old age of forty-five will be complete.  I can’t believe I did it (almost).  It has been a challenge balancing family, home and school. There were many a day when I wish I hadn’t started this journey, but the stubborn side of me was not going to start something without finishing.  I was not about to show my kids that failing or quitting was an option.

So here I am facing the finish line in this most challenging journey. Believe it or not I think I might miss it when I’m done.  It has been a constant companion and has allowed me the opportunity to realize that I am still an intelligent person with the ability to learn new things.  Being a stay at home mom made me feel like my mind was turning into a bowl full of jelly  but now I realize I didn’t lose anything.  Instead, I see that the years I dedicated myself to my family taught me to be patient, determined, organized and creative, all traits that allowed me to be successful in my studies.

With the finish line in site I am racing forward, propelled by the pride in my accomplishment.  My arms stretched in front of me reaching for the ribbon, preparing myself to throw up my hands in victory, I catch something out of the corner of my eye.  Far in the distance I see yet another black and white banner stretched across the path.  In celebrating my victory for this grand accomplishment I realize that the finish line of this journey is merely the starting line to my next great challenge!

Much like a runner, I look forward to my next race.  Instead of fearing it, my year of training has given me the tools and confidence I need to take my place in the starting blocks with the expectation of running a personal best. I look to the stands and see my husband and children.  In their faces I see the reflections of the past year and I realize that when I was tired or discouraged it was their support that lifted me back to my feet.  It was their hands that put the laundry into the machine or the dinner on the table when I was unable to.  This next race I will run for them as well as for myself.

Thank you for the support and I can only hope in return I have made you proud and taught you a few things.  From my example I hope you see that you are never too old to start something new, with hard work and determination you can accomplish anything and most importantly, never give up!

Forever Summer

Time goes so slowly, another school year is starting and it will be absolutely forever before it is over.  It will be forever before I get out of school.  Thirteen years of school and then on to college for another four.  You have to be kidding me, I am going to spend my entire life in school, it is never going to end.  If only I had a time  machine, I could jump through time and get on to the exciting part of life.

Apparently I found my time travel machine.  That is the only explanation I can find for how fast the time has gone.  I cannot really be the mother of a college student and two other teenagers.  Am I not a teen myself?  Wait no I passed through those years, that’s right, I wished them away.  It’s not that I want them back, I just don’t understand how it all went so quickly.

I still remember that feeling of time moving so slowly.   A year of school seemed like a lifetime,  just waiting for the next summer to come along to mark my freedom.  The endless summer that seemed to go on forever allowing my brain to cleanse itself of all I had learned throughout the school year.  I had all the time in the world, never a rush, and always tomorrow.

The blink of an eye.  That is all it takes now.  A blink of an eye and the school year is over.  A blink of an eye and the frost is in the air and the summer is gone.  A blink of an eye and the kids are grown and moving on.  There is never enough time, it’s always a rush and my tomorrows are coming to quickly.  Soon there will be no more school years.  The kids will be gone and I will have to find another marker of time.

I think I would like to turn off my time  machine for just a little while.    Just long enough to savor these precious moments.

If I can teach my kids just one more thing it would be to not wish their life away.  Don’t rush through today looking for tomorrow.  Today is a beautiful day so live it to the fullest, enjoy it and make it count.  Perhaps I can be a role model for you, watch me and learn.  I am making the most out of every day, and although the calendar tells me I am in the fall season of life, I intend to  live like it is forever summer.

Not Just Another Day

Well yesterday was the big day.  The clock struck twelve and I turned back into a pumpkin.  Okay not a pumpkin but I did turn another year older.

It really was a remarkable day.  I did feel different.  My life really did change.  No it didn’t change because I’m suddenly 45 instead of 44.  It changed because my son finished his last day of high school.  Now you want to feel old on your birthday…that’s the secret.

So yes I did feel older on my birthday this year, but it wasn’t a bad feeling.  I felt older, wiser and very proud.  I got to see a first hand account of what I had achieved in forty-five years as my son stood to receive his awards at the senior recognition ceremony.  I raised a fine young man who is ready to take on the world and has the dreams of making a difference and leaving his mark on the world.  A young man who wants to pry into the mystery of childhood cancer and see if he can help to save a life or at least make one more comfortable if it cannot be saved.  These are his achievements and dreams but I can take pride in knowing that something I did lead him to this place.

So for now I like forty-five.  I don’t necessarily like the gray hairs that keep popping up on my head or the ever-increasing wrinkles around my eyes.  I do like that as I am getting older I am able to see my life accomplishments.  So much time is spent dreaming, planning, executing all to reach an end point.  Now I am seeing that end point.  It is funny how we begin to dream from the moment that line turns pink on that little stick.  I realize now that I could never have dreamed how great it actually would be.

So what now,  do I stop dreaming?  Do I stop looking forward and just enjoy all that I have done?  Heck no.  I am just beginning.  Only now instead of dreaming about what my kids will become I will dream about what I might become.  Yup, I do like 45, I think it’s going to be a good year.

The Curse

by Andy Welsher, Creative Commons

“Tell dad he can’t retire before I graduate high school, that would be embarrassing.”

This is the grand statement my thirteen year old daughter made the other day at the dinner table.  I looked at her with complete confusion, a reaction that has become somewhat normal lately, and asked her where the heck that came from.

“You and dad are like the oldest parents in the school.”

Let me clarify something here.  I am turning 45 this month and my husband is 47.  Not extremely old for being the parents of a thirteen year old not to mention we have a fifteen and eighteen year old.

The only thing I can figure out is that we must have moved to a community that has a serious issue with teen pregnancy, no one in her school is the youngest in their family or no one is this community went to college, got a degree and began a career before they had children.

“Well just relax dad isn’t going to retire before you finish high school, as a matter of fact he will have to work until you finish college if we want to pay for it.  Feel free to start paying for our seniors home once you finish college though.  Obviously we will be too old to look after ourselves by then.”

I marvel at these people who say their children make them feel young.  Maybe they would like to borrow my daughter for a few days.  She can quickly provide them with a reality check.  After a few days with her you will know you are old and for free she will provide you with a few basic rules on aging:

  • Grey hair is not attractive
  • You may not wear any shirt that has the logo of  a “young person’s store”on it
  • Sexy is always inappropriate
  • Never try to dance
  • Don’t sing to the radio
  • You are not funny

Don’t worry my dear daughter, I have put the mother’s curse on you.  The same curse my mom put on me and hers on her.  It is the curse that has been passed on from mother to daughter since the beginning of time:

“I hope your daughter is just like you!”

Have you put the curse on your children yet?  Did your mom put the curse on you?  I know my mom did because I see it in my daughter and my nieces.  All I can say now is “SORRY MOM, I GET IT NOW!”

He Just Doesn’t Get It

You’ve got to be kidding me…we aren’t spring chickens anymore.

thank you freestock

That is the thought that kept going through my mind as my husband went over the detailed instructions with me, yet once again, for my meeting with the landscaper tonight.

  “Here are the drawings of what we are looking at getting done.  Don’t forget that we want to get all the drainage from the house taken care of so we don’t have to worry about water …blah, blah, blah…. (that’s what I heard).  Remind him that what we are looking for is someone who can come in with the big equipment to just do the heavy work.  We can do the lighter stuff ourselves to keep within budget.  We can build the retaining walls ourselves….” 

photo by grendelkhan

What?????  Stop right there.  Did he just say the retaining walls are the “light” part of the job.  Have you seen the size of those blocks?  They don’t look light to me.  Perhaps I need to remind him of the heart attack I thought I was going to have from planting the bushes in the front garden.  Did he forget that I could barely make it up the stairs for three days after attempting to “work out” my legs last week?  He just doesn’t get it…we aren’t young anymore and these “little jobs” have become much bigger.

It doesn’t stop there, it only gets better:

“…and the patio area here is interlocking brick.   Have him price it out for just laying the foundation for it we can lay the bricks ourselves”

Sure we can… and did you see that pig fly?

Thank you oddsock

So my friends I am off to the landscaping store to pick out the bricks for the patio and the retaining walls that my husband and I are apparently going to use in the backyard after the professionals do the “heavy work” of grading it.  Please stay tuned, this should be interesting!  Future blogs will either be about a divorce or the aches and pains of my poor body.

(I suppose I should be thrilled that he thinks I can actually do this)