Tag Archive | aging women

The Creative Challenge.

I have always fancied myself a creative person but ever since I went back to work I have struggled to find that part of myself.  I sat down with my daughter to paint the other day and I was blank.  I couldn’t find a single stroke to put on the canvas.  Madison looked at me and asked why I wasn’t painting.  “I have nothing” I told her.  “As much as I want to paint I simple can’t find any inspiration to put onto the canvas.”

“That is because you have forgotten how to dream” she responded.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well ever since you went back to work you have your head filled with work stuff.  All you think about is work and bills, and the house.  When you fill your head with that there isn’t any room for dreaming.  If you can’t dream, you can’t create.”

You know I really don’t remember the last time I had a dream.  Such wisdom from a young mind.

So now it is time for me to find my creativity again.  It is a part of me that I love and don’t wish to lose.  I am challenging myself to do something creative everyday for the next 365 days!  It doesn’t have to be something phenomenal it just has to be something.

So today is the first day of my challenge.  Do you think coloring my hair would be considered creative? Okay I may be stretching it a little.  So instead I have baked today.  A coffee cake and brownies…creativity in the kitchen.  It isn’t much but it’s a start.

As for tomorrow let’s see what I can come up with.

I challenge you to join me in the creative challenge.  Get in touch with your creative side and share your accomplishment with me.  Don’t let the best part of you get lost.  You know the famous saying….use it or lose it!

Who knows….maybe I can even start dreaming again!

 

Who Am I?

Have you ever sat and wondered what you were meant  to do?  Thinking to yourself, surely I am meant to do something important, my life has to mean something.  I know I do.  Then I ask myself, am I not trying hard enough?  Am I not using my “talents” to their greatest ability?  Am I missing something?  Because truthfully I don’t see myself as having accomplished very much in my life.

I went to University and got a great education, had the potential to be an amazing nurse, yet chose to stay at home with my kids and not work at all.  What have I done that I will be remembered for?  When I laid my head on the pillow at night I would ask God to talk to me, tell me what it was I was supposed to be doing and I heard nothing.  I assumed I wasn’t listening hard enough or even worse I wasn’t important enough for even God to bother with.

Now I know that I didn’t hear God because he had already told me what I was to do and I had done it.  I was meant to stay at home and be with my kids.  God simply said, stay the course, don’t give up.  Oh several times I tried to steer my ship in a new and more exciting direction, carve my own path, draw my own map and each and every time I was put back on course.  It is only now that I realize you don’t have to effect a multitude of people to be important.  You don’t need to change the world or have your name known by millions, effecting one or two people is enough.

I will never be the next great artist, a Pulitzer prize-winning author, I won’t be the CEO of a major company or a political leader.  I will not save thousands of lives or develop a cure for cancer, I won’t be a professional athlete or famous movie star.  I won’t leave my mark on a very big piece of real-estate when I leave this earth and I will be lucky to fill the first half of the church at my funeral, but there are a few people who my life has made a difference for and that is all that matters.  I may not cure cancer but perhaps my son will, I may not be a great artist but perhaps my encouragement will allow my daughter to be one.  I may not invent a new piece of medical technology but perhaps my other son will.  I may not save the lives of thousands but perhaps one day, someone I spoke to, or encouraged, or merely smiled at when they felt alone, sad or desperate were effected just enough to go on and live another day.

I have stopped asking what great and wonderful thing I am supposed to do with my life.  Instead I thank God for the opportunity to be myself.  I try to remember that my actions speak louder than my words and everything I do and everything I say has the ability to change the life of someone around me.  What an awesome responsibility!

Be the best self you can be everyday!  Perhaps you will write the next great novel or be the hottest blog on the internet, you never know.  What you do know is that each and every day at least one person will hear your words or see your face.  Make sure what you show them is something that you will want to be remembered by and that you DO have an effect on this world.

Love Story

Oh how I have missed you.  I put you out of my mind for so long because the pain of thinking of you was just to great to deal with.  Yet you where never far away.  As much as I tried to forget I knew you were there waiting for me and that made me miss and want you even more.  Yet that same wanting only made me feel worse, you reminded me of something I once was and something I longed to be again.

I am sorry I banished you from life, I am sorry that I made you go away.  I beg you to forgive me but I had to do what was right for me.  I had to send you away until I was ready to face you again…and here I am!  It has been a year but I am ready, I am ready to see if we belong together once again.   I am ready to see if you still make me feel as good as you once did and if we are once again a perfect fit.

It is with great anticipation I am facing you once again, I am excited but scared.  I am nervous to see if my journey has brought me to a place where we can once again fit into each others life.

I see you from across the room, you look the same as I remember.  I hope I look different to you, I hope that you can see the transformation I have made.  I pray that you appreciate the change I have made so we can be together again.

In an instance we are reunited..like we were never apart and you feel better now than you did when I last saw you.  Rather than making me feel confined and uncomfortable I feel loose and free.  I feel like the woman I have wanted  to be, I feel healthy and happy.  You have completed me!

Yes you are my favorite jeans and I am so sorry I crowed you out of my life.  I am sorry I squeezed you out while I made room for cookies and ice cream.  Please forgive me, I have missed you and so glad to have you back!

jeans

Now as for the eighteen pounds I have lost…I can’t say I will ever miss you!  Good-bye and good riddens…I hope to never see you again!

Eat Your Words Mom!

“Be an active participant in life”.  That was last summer’s saying for my sisters and me.  Instead of sitting back and watching the kids have fun we decided we would actively participate in all the activities.  Yes it required a few extra trips to the bathroom before hitting the volley ball court or an Advil or two before bed after a day of water skiing but we actively participated in the day’s events.  The kids (rather teens) thought this was great and found a new respect for their aging mothers.

Today was a perfect day on the lake.  The sun was shining and the air was still.  The bay looked like a mirror reflecting the beauty of the day.  As usual a day like this begged for the boat to head out and the kids to push the limits to see how much air they could get on the wakeboard or how high of a rooster tail they could get on the slalom ski.  I took my place in the boat as the official photographer and spotter.  After a couple of runs the kids asked me to take my turn and try my luck at the skis.

This seems like a simple request for many, but for me it is a little more of a challenge.  You see for ten years I attempted to water ski and had no luck.  I mastered the art of falling on my face, my butt, my back… you name it, and I fell on it.  Just two years ago I finally managed to get up but forgot what I did to get up as quickly as I learned it.  Hence I usually spend the rest of the summer sucking water into every orifice as I try to master the concept of skiing again and again.  So today I declined the invitation and stated I would be happy to sit and watch them have fun.

This is the moment my own words came back to bite me in the butt.  “What happened to being an active participant in life mom?”  Oh how tempted I was to tell them I was just getting too old for this, but instead I donned my life jacket and grabbed the skis and decided to take on the challenge once more.  This time it was my son driving the boat and giving me the last minute instructions on what to do.  I had a quick flash of all the times I had grounded him or said “no” to him and hoped this wasn’t the time he was seeking revenge.

To my surprise I rose from the water and found myself skidding across the surface on the two pieces of wood strapped to my feet.  I would like to say that the experience was amazing and I have found a true passion in skiing but to be honest, I found it to be less than thrilling and extremely tiring.  So this is what I have been working so hard for, this is what I drank gallons of water for and face planted more times than I care to remember.  Oh well, at least I was an active participant in life.  Most importantly my kids were thrilled with my success and proud of me for finally finding success.  So when they asked me how it was I smiled and said it was great.

As for the wake boarding… it still eludes me and I am afraid that tonight will be another night of Advil.  But I will wear my bruises with pride and remember that I am an active participant in life and my kids think I’m kind of cool.

 

I’m Not Super-Woman

The water is calling me to come and play!

Apparently I am not super woman.  I cannot actually do and be everything.  It came to me as somewhat of a surprise and I must admit, a slight disappointment, but I believe I am coming to terms with it now. Sometimes you just have to let something go in order to get done what truly needs to get done, hence the silence on the blog front for the past little while.

I think it is maturity and the aging process that has finally taught me that it is okay to admit that you can’t do it all.  I look back on my early years as a mom and wife and wonder what I was thinking.  Apparently the word “NO” was only in my children’s vocabulary.  Now as I am older I do not feel any guilt when I say “no I can’t do that.”  I feel no shame to admit that at times I am overwhelmed by the tasks around me and I just need to stop and rest for a while either mentally or physically, while I regroup.  As a matter of fact I feel a great sense of pride in being truly honest with myself.

Now that I have the family settled back into the house at the lake for the summer I look forward to finding a routine that includes my “me time.”  Time to blog, time to read, time to paint or just time to sit and be quiet (okay, quiet will have to come before everyone else wakes up).

So this is me, just me and not some imaginary super woman, back again after a month of complete chaos ready to enjoy the summer.   So what should I do today?  The water is looking at me as calm as I have ever seen it.  I believe it is inviting me to come and play.  Maybe today will be the day I finally conquer the wake board.  Yes, I think that I am feeling pretty lucky today… the wake board it is.

So maybe I still like to imagine I am super woman just a little.  I’ll let you know how that works for me a little later.

Not Just Another Day

Well yesterday was the big day.  The clock struck twelve and I turned back into a pumpkin.  Okay not a pumpkin but I did turn another year older.

It really was a remarkable day.  I did feel different.  My life really did change.  No it didn’t change because I’m suddenly 45 instead of 44.  It changed because my son finished his last day of high school.  Now you want to feel old on your birthday…that’s the secret.

So yes I did feel older on my birthday this year, but it wasn’t a bad feeling.  I felt older, wiser and very proud.  I got to see a first hand account of what I had achieved in forty-five years as my son stood to receive his awards at the senior recognition ceremony.  I raised a fine young man who is ready to take on the world and has the dreams of making a difference and leaving his mark on the world.  A young man who wants to pry into the mystery of childhood cancer and see if he can help to save a life or at least make one more comfortable if it cannot be saved.  These are his achievements and dreams but I can take pride in knowing that something I did lead him to this place.

So for now I like forty-five.  I don’t necessarily like the gray hairs that keep popping up on my head or the ever-increasing wrinkles around my eyes.  I do like that as I am getting older I am able to see my life accomplishments.  So much time is spent dreaming, planning, executing all to reach an end point.  Now I am seeing that end point.  It is funny how we begin to dream from the moment that line turns pink on that little stick.  I realize now that I could never have dreamed how great it actually would be.

So what now,  do I stop dreaming?  Do I stop looking forward and just enjoy all that I have done?  Heck no.  I am just beginning.  Only now instead of dreaming about what my kids will become I will dream about what I might become.  Yup, I do like 45, I think it’s going to be a good year.

Doin’ The Happy Dance

Oh ya, I’m doing a happy dance!  Not a pretty sight but I don’t really care.

Just finished My Anatomy and Physiology class.  Medical Terminology.. done, Anatomy and Physiology.. done…Medical Coding here I come!

Okay so it wasn’t a super hard challenge considering I already have a degree in Nursing Science and taught Anatomy and Physiology for a couple semesters, but still, it is a lot different being on the other side of the exams.  Not to mention the pressure from the kids.  Oh ya, they just love to get back at me.  You know the saying “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”  Apparently I am the gander.  “Why did you get one wrong?  Didn’t you study?  An A is only good if you put your full effort into it”.  I have never spent more time eating my own words!

As a reward for my accomplishments I think a little shopping is in order as well as a slight detour from the diet.  What better way to celebrate than a new pair of shoes, an iced latte (with whipping cream), and a giant brownie.

Dance on Mamma, dance on!